Traveling with Children: Part 1 -or- The Unbearable Lightness of Bagging

We are now officially traveling as a family band of four: two parents on guitar and backup, a toddler on lead vocals, and an infant on drums (3 mos. old). After a little trial and error, we've discovered a few things about flying with our children that may make it a little easier on our next excursions. We've traveled a fair amount with our firstborn (our toddler and lead singer), but vagabonding with two is a whole different ball of wax.

Every time I go through the plane ticket ordering process, I have a bunch of the same questions - which seats: front, middle, or rear of the plane? Stop for a toddler runaround break or non-stop power flight? Do we like MD-80's? Or is that a band name?

Same goes for packing for the plane. Before kids, I had a dialed in, precision system of packing, with the mantra being carry-on only no matter what. That system, thanks to life's little changes, has now completely flipped on its head.

I also used to wait until the absolute last minute to board, lounging strategically at the bar until the final, really final boarding call to reduce time sitting in the swirling vat of recirculation that is a jet. But now, I have officially and unceremoniously sunsetted my time-honored tradition of bar stool warming and libatious nerve numbing. When it comes to nerves now, I wouldn't use the word, "numb" generally; "raw" at times might be a better word, or the phrase, "on my last." Of course, it is coupled with the palpable soft and gushy, "wow I totally love these kids," thing that I never really understood in the singular company of a vodka tonic or two, so I guess you could say I traded up.

These days when we fly, we line up for the pre-game show and I find myself repeating in my head, "please dear airline gods let's get this show on the road and get that freaking door open." I pray for other parents with children who appear slightly louder than ours. I give the sympathy-parent-head-tilt-and-smile (the "tilt-a-whirl" as I like to think of it) when I see a desperate parent chasing their laughing child through the armed and alarmed security checkpoint. I have tried travel strollers, DVD players, and straight-up candy bribery, with varying degrees of success. We have experimented with the front of the plane, mid-plane, rear of the plane, and contemplated strapped to the top of the plane.

In light of these things, I'm building this list partly to share, and partly to remind us of what we should and shouldn't do the next time. Keep in mind that like the FAA rules on liquids and women's pumps or the recent Passport waffling, the rules are subject to change at any moment. But so far, these tips seem to be the ones that we want to remember for the next opportunity we take to force ourselves to be trapped in an aluminum cylinder hurtling across the sky at subsonic speeds toward another part of the continent, or other continents if my company stock goes up.

1. Keep it simple.
The fewer, smaller carry-ons the better. OH, and get over it: DVD players are manna from Panasonic (I'll tell you why in a minute). It can be tempting to want to pack everything you think that your children might point their brains at, but generally we've found that with packing, the simpler the better. Its that whole holistic approach theory - If your stress level is lower because a) you have less to keep track of, b) you have two hands free to wrangle the squirrelly but lovable 2-foot part-time conversationalist/acoustical test engineer, and c) you are generally more physically comfortable because you didn't sweat as much trying to get to the terminal, the odds are that your child will be a little less tightly wound too.

Our best example of this: A family almost identical to ours that we sat next to going to Paris. They had a single, small backpack between two parents and an infant - just enough supplies for the flight - no more, no less. No coats, no laptops, just a baby and a pack. They slept much of the way, and when we landed at CDG in the winter, they simply unpacked their coats from the top of their larger checked suitcase, and that was that. Of course, it was a direct flight from their home airport so the chance of lost baggage was slim, but they were much better off having kept it simple.

The one exception to lightness of bags: Buy and haul a portable DVD player (gasp). Yes, you heard my self-righteousness just get tossed out the pressurized cabin door like a pair of ill-fitting 80's (warning: pun imminent) parachute pants. The days are gone of naively saying, "When I have kids I will never be one of those parents who use a DVD player to keep my children occupied." It is modern technology that has solved the problem of how to keep your kids from varying degrees of screaming for hours on end. Embrace it. Give in. Parental sin? maybe. Sanity preservative? Definitely. You and your co-flyers will thank you, or at least not wish you ill faring in the stories they tell about you for the rest of the week. (See, honey? Sometimes, as with the Twinkie, preservatives are good for you.)

2. Check on car seats before you travel, and ask ridiculous questions like, "do you wash them?"
When you ask about whether a car rental company offers car seats, "Yes we do" is not good enough. In some states (like Oregon), companies will not generally offer car seats at the rental office. California does, but watch out...rentals can be questionable back-door-of-the-thrift-store contraptions that are often VERY used car seats that are barely legal (if at all) and filthy. And I don't mean moderately dirty. I mean stinky, sticky, and uncleaned ever since they were pumped out of the plastic factory 15 years ago. Ask about the age and condition of the seats, if they have the latch system, if they are clean, and so forth. Some rental companies do a much better job than others, and it pays to ask a few questions.

Example: We flew to Coos Bay/North Bend, OR, not realizing that the rental agencies do not offer car seats. So we were stuck at the airport until I could figure out a way to get to Walmart (not our first choice, but effectively the only game in town) to buy a car seat. The saving grace of that adventure was that the employee was so helpful that he offered to first let us borrow an extra seat that he and his wife had, and then when that didn't work out (his manager threatened to fire him if he did, citing lawsuit reasons), he offered to drive me to Walmart and back.

The worst car seat mistake so far? Advantage car rentals "at" LAX. (WARNING: DO NOT RENT FROM ADVANTAGE AT LAX - despite what their listings say, they do NOT have a desk at the terminal - it is 20 minutes away, and the night time shuttles are infrequent at best). The infant seats had no bases to attach to the car (except 1 that I found by digging through the piles in the storage room myself), the seats were covered in sticky oozy putrescence, and each seat offered a unique olfactory experience, namely urine mixed with a few unidentified scatological aromas. In addition, the attendant was completely helpless, uninterested, and was coughing all over the transaction. I didn't anticipate any of that when I chose them because they "have a desk in the terminal (LIE LIE LIE)." Their price? $5 bucks each per day. I would gladly have paid more for a clean one.

3. Travel mid-day if you can, believe it or not.
Now this one, granted, might vary from child to child, but in general we've found that midday is best for us and many parents we know. Don't travel super early unless you are normally up at an unusually early time. Being up too early is the easiest way to lose something in the airport - not the least of which might be any semblance of sanity. We actually lost track of my wife's purse at the Burbank airport at 6AM - it got left near the check-in counter, complete with her only ID, keys, and wallet. We were lucky - it was still there when we raced back to look for it.

In our experience, the same applies for traveling late at night - unless you are all used to late hours, its probably best to avoid the late night flights if you have a choice. Between kids being at the end of their daily patience quotient and business travelers who are hoping to rest on the flight home, late at night can be a stress-filled extravaganza of frantic attempts to keep the babyheads quiet, mixed with visual balls of fire being hurled at you from multiple directions.

Of course, as I said, this one varies a little; but on our most recent trip, our toddler was too excited to sleep on our late night flight, which put him in a sleep deprived state for the next couple of days of the trip. However, he did nod off on the afternoon return flight, which surprised us. And when we think about it, this guideline has been generally true for us and a number of parents we know. Not to mention, when our little one goes down for the evening, he HATES to be woken up to get off the plane, wait for luggage, etc., and he makes that painfully clear while we wait for an inexplicably long time for the door to open (can someone PLEASE invent a plane offloading system with more than one usable door?).

4. If you have to catch a shuttle anywhere, and the shuttle is not right there, think about springing for the cab instead.
This is especially true at LAX. Don't think you can afford it? To find the cash, just try to eat before you get to the airport. The money you save by not buying overpriced mediocre meals will nearly pay for the cab ride (9.00 sandwiches and 3.00 bottles of water add up quickly).

5. Travel on a Tuesday or Wednesday.
Again, this dilemma comes up in my mind every time I book a flight. In general, I've found that flights on Tuesdays and Wednesdays are cheaper, you have better seat selection, there is a greater chance that the flight isn't packed, and there are fewer commuters to disturb with the anomaly that is a traveling family.

6. The three P's: Pajamas, Pull-ups and Pre-flight Potty (wait...that's four P's. Or six, if you think about it).
This one is pretty obvious, but if you are in potty training mode, the three P's are your creed. Don't wait until the flight is rolling out onto the tarmac to realize the 4th and 5th P's (you know what I'm sain') are imminent (which are strangely numbered 1 and 2, but you get the idea). And although we all want to be optimistic when it comes to our faith in the urinary control of our toddlers, this is one time that you should abandon all optimism in favor of a pragmatic 3-4T pull-up.

7. When choosing seats, sit as close to the front as possible.
We've really experimented with this one, and in the end, the front seats load and unload quicker (since you get to pre-board - also a must), which is pretty much what it all comes down to. It also guarantees that you will not be sitting near the loudest parts of the plane. Although sitting near the drowning sounds of jet engines may seem like a good idea in sound-dampening theory, it often turns out badly: Kids simply ratchet up their volume to speak over the noise, an effect that is not good for pretty much everyone.

Generally, we've also found that rows 15-20 are typically over the wings, which blocks the visual distraction that a toddler can get into. Row 1 in economy has a lot of leg room, but no under-seat stowage (diaper bags are a pain to manage when they are in the overhead bins). Rows 2-7 (economy) are the sweet spot for us. You?

And finally, # 8: Don't expect to get anything done on the flight - you won't.
Yes, gone are the days when a flight meant a few uninterrupted hours of precious time to catch up on reading, checking out the newest junk in the inflight magazine, or sleeping to make up for the party last night. Bye bye now sleep and productivity. Thanks for flying Southwest.

Next time: Planes we like::Stop or non-stop?::packing list